Trust

One of my favorite movies is "Breaking Away" which is about a kid from Indianapolis who dreams of bicycle racing with his Italian bicycling heroes. In the movie, he is so proud of having been given the chance to ride with them in a local race, until they put a wrench in his plans – literally – and he is devastated. In my favorite scene (and the one that makes me cry every time), his father, who feels he is out of touch with his son, tries very hard to reach out to his son. He has to explain to him that everybody cheats. And his son comes up to his father and cries on his shoulder, having been hit with one of those realizations about life that hits hard.

Everybody cheats. And everybody lies. You just wish that the people you love wouldn't do it, because it hurts that much more. You wanted to believe a company could help you out, but, instead they cheated you out of money and you are left with a hard life lesson.

And you wanted to believe the person whom you loved when he said he wasn't going to leave, after you expressed your concerns that he would. You wanted to believe him when he added "If I were going to leave, why would I go out and get a dog?" And then he did leave, and took the dog with him.

And it doesn't matter how many times you tell yourself that this was an emotionally unhealthy someone, someone you shouldn't have trusted with the truth in the first place. Because the thing is, the thing that keeps you stuck, the thing that won't let you move on, not right now at least, is that you did trust this person. And he let you down. And that place, right there, that's where the pain is that just won't go away. That's what hurts.