I got through the night, albeit with only about 3-4 hours of sleep. It took me several hours, then after sleeping for a short while, I would jolt away, realizing that the marriage is really over.
I should be used to this. This happened about 6 years ago, when we were just married two years. He left, saying he was unhappy. But at that time, it was evident we were both unhappy. Even though I cried for days, by the end of three months I was just getting used to being on my own. And he came back. And I thought that maybe we should give this another shot, even though I had misgivings.
And we really worked on the marriage. It seemed that we could get through anything, even all the financial stuff. Then things took a financial turn for the worse (spurred by the bad economy). And even though just a few short weeks ago we were laughing and joking, greeting each other when we came home from work with a hug, a kiss and a warm dinner, suddenly he says he's been unhappy for a long time. And I say to myself - damn, he's a great actor. And he left this "it's not you, it's me" letter. I loved that he said "I know you've been unhappy, too." As if he were in control of my feelings, or had any idea how I felt.
But I think my mom hit it on the head. Things got tough here - the gravy train was running low, so he hiked off to find someone else who would take him in and take care of him. So now he's someone else's problem, and someone else will find out how to deal with his meager contributions to the bills, his control issues and his mood swings. Not my problem anymore.
I’m getting ready to start over. Yeah, this is the first day.
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