All by Myself – Yeah!

I didn't think I would ever feel this way, but I am actually enjoying my time alone! My mind seems more open and I can feel that I am getting more focused in what I do, particularly at home. The noise in my head is diminishing – by that, I mean those endless thoughts and worries. Yes, I still have concerns (what still needs to be done in terms of Andrew's college, the mortgage and the upcoming winter/heating situation). But I've found that working away, a little at a time at each has helped a lot. It gives me something to focus on and each task accomplished gives me a much needed sense of accomplishment!

I also noticed that I am more comfortable just being alone in the house. When we first moved here, I had a very hard time sleeping when Tom was away. As the years passed, I found that I gradually became more and more used to being alone, and was able, finally, to sleep soundly when he worked at night.

I am also happier as I am no longer experiencing that onslaught of information that would hit me when I came home. Yes, it was nice to have the pets greet me and the conversation, but sometimes I just needed a few minutes alone! Now I get that break, even when my son is here, because there is this sort of mutual respect and understanding of that need for a break. We sort of talk a little at first and then once either one of us is settled in more and relaxed, we talk more. And rarely do I come home and find him in a bad mood (unlike Tom, who would be in a dark mood almost one day out of every week). When my son is in a mood, I know enough to give him his space and he is fine after a short while. With Tom, it was a minefield. Sometimes he wanted me to talk to cheer him up, but wouldn't say so, and would get more upset when I didn't read his mind. The other times he wanted to be left alone but didn't say so, so I would get snapped at if I tried to talk.

Ah, yes, this is so much more enjoyable!