Okay, I'm rounding the bases of the 5 stages and guess I'm back to anger again. This whole thing isn't completely resolved with me. I really hope it will be soon – I do want to let go. But I think I can't because I can't get away from this feeling like I am being punished for some reason that may never be clear to me.
I have been trying to be nice, and have been clear that I am no longer interested in getting back together. I just want to move on, and I would think that someone who has broken up with me would also have moved on and would be at the point of being able to talk to me, if only a few words or a short phone call. Even my last husband, who my last boyfriend derided for the way he treated me (in spite of the fact that he had never met the man), was able to communicate with me by this point after he left.
So what is the big issue here? I spend way too much time thinking about this, I know, but I think about that one strange thing that he said (well, there were lots of weird things, but this stood out). It was his comment "I was afraid I would fall in love with you." As I've said before I thought that would be a good thing. But thinking it over, I can see that if you are just interested in fooling around, you don't want to fall in love.
Maybe that's why I'm being punished – for being the one he fell for when all he wanted to do was get out, fool around, sow his wild oats, etc. So, then, the reason he can't just have a normal conversation with me is not because he's mad at me. It's because he's not over me.
I wonder how long that's going to last?
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