Dancing in the Living Room

Yesterday was a very, very tough day. I had to make the effort to call my son's dad regarding the tuition payment. This is always difficult, because he makes it more difficult than it needs to be. He is so distrustful of anyone, particularly when it comes to money, and because of this, he is very confrontational. I also found out yesterday that he is not even aware of how confrontational he is.

The conversation started out as usual. Although he wasn't pleasant (he never is; I've enjoyed root canals more than I have enjoyed talking with him), I'll just say he wasn't quite as unpleasant as usual. He agreed to make his payment, then agreed (I thought) to get the parent plus loan that I would pay him back. Well, somehow, I guess I didn't read his mind, because even though I had told him that I could still not get the loan because of my credit, he became very upset that I wouldn't do this, and told me he didn't want to pay the loan (which, I assured him, he wouldn't be doing). This started it off. And then it got worse. I let go with a barrage of anger that I had stored up in my for the past 25 years or so (from when we were still married to now). I couldn't stop, and when he shut down and didn't talk (as he always does) I gave him the ultimatum - let me know if you will agree to the loan or I will just tell Andrew that he's coming home and not going back. And I hung up the phone. And then I cried.

The first person I wanted to talk to was my old boyfriend because, in my (probably faulty) memories, I thought he would make me feel better. Then I got smart and called my best friend.

When I called, she had music on in the background, and explained that her husband and son were dancing in the living room and wanted her to join. It was such a contrast to my situation. I just wanted to be there, right now. It was refreshing, and it put me in such a much better mood. I assured her that I am definitely moving out there this summer, and we made plans.

That conversation turned my whole mood around. When my son's dad called back, I was able to deal with the attitude. Only a few months more and I'll be there. I'll be back where I should be - dancing in the living room.