Being Good to Me

One of the best things that I have learned through working a program that is helpful to me is that, although I have a great deal of work to do on myself, I don't need to do it all in one day. I should take time to be good to myself, to spoil myself, and comfort myself when necessary.

Last night brought another awareness that hit out of the blue. I used to hate these things because they were so painful, but now I know they are bringing me to a better place, to a healthier place. I read some of my literature and the information was so specific to me, it seemed as if I had written it. It was about being a people pleaser, and why someone would do this. I don't think I was fully aware until that moment of why I did what I did.

Specifically, it referred to wanting to please one's parents, to know that if they liked you, then you must be okay. I can see now that I did that in my childhood. I was one of six children, and while I don't mention this to comment on whether I had good or bad parents, I will say that, at times, I did feel lost in the family. There was a lot going on, and I'm sure my parents struggled to give us all attention, but when your family is dealing with problems, you tend to get lost in the shuffle a bit.

My way of coping with this was twofold. I would tell myself its okay, and deny my feelings. Then I would do whatever I could to be a good, happy child so that they would care about me. This doesn't mean what I was doing was wrong. But the issue is that I still do this today- I shut out my own feelings for someone else, and do what I can to please them, just so they will care about me. That's not right, and that is one of the important areas I am focusing on.

I know I am a good person, deserving of love regardless of who I am. I am feeling this confidence grow inside me each day. Telling myself this on an ongoing basis is one of the ways that I intend to be good to myself.