So, here I am, back at square one, left by another guy. Although I have been working on myself and doing what I can to keep learning and improving, I can say that this one was definitely not my fault. I sort of saw the writing on the wall, so to speak, but ignored it.
This was my takeaway - you cannot compete with a ghost (dead spouse.) He had mentioned his wife who had died at a young age practically every time we talked. It was interwoven in almost every conversation we had - the trips he had with her, for example. I knew this could be a problem, but I was hoping it wouldn't.
We had a wonderful first date, and continued writing and talking, and made our plans for our second date. We just talked on the phone yesterday for over an hour; something you don't do if you are not happy with another person. But then, just as the last one, he admitted something personal to me, recounting a sad story that happened to him shortly after the death of his wife. And I could tell right then that his admission would/could cause him to pull away. And even though I sent a kind and understanding response, he did just as I expected. He left.
So, I am hurting.Again. I know I need to go on - that's what I am about. I can't just shut down.I am not someone who will just give up,or get bitter. I have to remind myself that I can learn from everything that happens to me, and each of these relationships offers me a great deal to learn.
I wish, though, that there was a map that would show me where to go next. I hate being lost like this and in pain. The pain will pass, I know, and the way will show itself to me someday. I just don't know when.
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