The More I Read, the More I Understand

I found after each break up, I starting reading everything I could on relationships. Admittedly, I often do this so I can say "oh, so that's his problem!" But what I find, time and again, is that I learn more about myself, which helps to propel me forward and keep working on me.

For example, I have been reading a lot of Mark Manson pieces, since coming across his post on why you can't trust yourself (or, at least, what your mind is telling you.) This set me off into different reading material, including his other pieces as well as Stumbling on Happiness by Daniel Gilbert, which I have just ordered.

And while doing this research and reading, I came across a new concept - value words. It has to do with truly examining what is most important to you, and determining to find someone who shares those values. For example, I realized honesty and humor were important to me, But through talking with other people, I also realized that pet ownership (particularly dogs) and music/dancing were important. And so was gardening (even though I don't have one here.) And a focus on what is real and down to earth, rather than money/material focused. So, if I found someone with those values I would be happier.

It explained a lot. For example, why I was so uncomfortable in my last long term relationship (the one in Rochester); he was never comfortable with the cat and his focus was on his antiques. Lack of pet ownership may have been part of the problem with the last person I dated (in spite of the fact that he got along with them.) For him, I am beginning to see it was his extreme need for privacy, where I wanted things a bit more open.

So, right now, instead of feeling depressed, I am super energized making new discoveries about myself and just beginning to understand what I want and need!