No More

I remember that strange feeling I had on the first date; that something was just a bit off, especially at the end. He went into this whole story about how busy he would be, how he lived with his mother, etc., etc. And I was certain right there he was going to say "and I don't think it is going to work." Even after he hugged me rather than kissed me in the parking lot, I got the vibe it wasn't going to work, and that stayed with me all the way home. So I was quite surprised when he emailed me, telling me he had a good time and wanted to see me again.

Lesson learned from this: trust your gut. In the past few weeks, he has been pulling away just a bit - still having a good time, but I could tell this was not going anywhere. And today, I emailed him, asking him whether this was turning into a friendship, because that was not what I signed on for. And he responded with a lengthy email, one of those "it's not you, it's me" and complete with comments that, although not specifically stated, were clearly coded to mean that he felt I had a "great personality" (big girls are always aware of different phrases and what they really mean.) I am thinking he is still not over his ex, and he is also more superficial then I had expected; I always felt that I was not thin enough, pretty enough or rich enough for him.

And he said that I was not making an emotional connection with him, and I am thinking it is very hard to do when someone is keeping you at an arm's length, emotionally!

So much more I want to write, but not here. Realizations that I made in the past few weeks that gave me greater insight into him and his possible primary focus (which was actually there all along, but I wouldn't listen.) All those frustrations that have been building because of lack of communication. Those will be written out in a letter and destroyed, For now, it's just time for me to learn from this and move on.