Acceptance and Anger

I keep fluctuating between the two points on that scale of grief, jumping between anger and acceptance with this whole thing (because, honestly, we do grieve the end of relationships.) Part of the time I have been thinking "Well, it's better that it's over so I won't need to go through wondering if he was interested or just hanging on" and "Why the hell is this happening now! I thought things were finally starting to work out!"

They may have been, and they could have been. We had a lot in common, except one telling trait - open communication. He kept himself closed tight, and I liked to get things straightened out by talking them out. I remember telling him about the fight scene in my play, and saying that I had this experience in my two marriages; all couples do. And he said "I never fight. I don't get angry." Well, that's a bold faced lie, because I saw him get angry about a number of things. He just told me about them, but not the person he was angry with. He avoided conflict whenever possible, which might be why he had the issues with his other marriages, and now, with me.

I have to admit - I knew he might get a little concerned with the email that I sent him, questioning where things were going. I was hoping that he would see it as a chance to open up and talk to me (which he did, at least about his time issues and all.) I knew, though, that it could lead to us breaking up, and I was ready to take that chance, just to know where I stood.

And, so, the accepting side of me is saying it is better now, not living a lie of a relationship.