Talking, Relaxing and Processing

I am taking a well deserved and much needed vacation, visiting my family, and taking it easy. This is not what I am used to, and I can see it is what I should be doing. Being aware of everything around me - the trees, birds, sun - as I sit in the sunroom of my sister's house makes me appreciative of just being alive.

I have been talking with them the past few days; they are good people to talk to. While we chat away about the usual family gossip, I have also gotten out more about what I went through with this past break up, and it has offered me a chance to process the event even more.

Additionally, I have been in email conversations with the last guy (his choice), which is offering me more closure; much more than I got from any other relationship. His take is still that the breakup was primarily his fault, and he is seeing what he still needs to work on (and, admittedly, his willingness to work on himself was a key reason that I wanted to stay with him.) I will say, though, that it wasn't just him; it was us.

For example, I can see that we didn't have the same ideas about what it takes to stay in a relationship or what makes a relationship good. As a woman (or, perhaps, as just being me), I am a huge proponent of making sure to communicate openly, even when things are not going right. His way - the way he was brought up to believe - is to work at being your best, but avoid those spots where communicating might be tough. Or, if communicating was going to involve work, then, perhaps, this wasn't the relationship one should be in. Or, at least that was what I was understanding.

I know what he said, what I said, etc., is no longer of importance, except for purposes of what I can learn from it. And what I am learning is that I was willing to overlook the communication issues for now because I thought they would be worked on in the future. But, even more importantly, I learned that you can't expect someone to change for you. You can change yourself, and then take your time to seek the person who more closely shares what you most value. That is the only way you can connect and be happy.

And, until that time, you relax, enjoy nature, and the company of others. And continue to learn.