I am going into my 4th week in this new relationship. This is almost a new record for me (not that I have never been in long term relationships; this record is new because of how often I/we have not gotten past the second date, which, for those relationships, seemed the right amount of time.)
Some time back, I stopped being less concerned about whether or not things continued and more concerned about what I learned from the situation. Because, the truth is, we can easily blame it on the other person, but if we don't look at what we might have done wrong or could have done differently, then we never learn.
I realized this weekend that I am more comfortable right now than I have honestly been in a long time. I realized that Saturday when our plans for the evening fell through, and yet I was content to turn on some music and read. I had gotten to this point by taking a chance the night before and communicating my feelings.
It was a chance,and I knew it could have ended differently. He could have disagreed, and that would have been acceptable. What was most important, I think, was that I noted I don't have specific expectations. This is going to go where it goes, and no amount of control on my part or his can change that. So instead of worry about what might happen, I am focusing on what is, right here and now.
And, right here and now, I am comfortable.
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