No, I'm Not Perfect

Well, I said in my last post that I would wait, but as I waited, I saw that the messages to me from the person I was dating which had been up to 40-50 a day during the first few weeks of our relationship were now down to 2-3/day. That was not something that came about slowly, which could happen when the relationship matures (and the couple sees each other quite often.) No, that was the entirety of our contact that happened so suddenly, I didn't even know what was happening.

I tried contacting him at first, but that led to the first decrease in messages. So when I noted that I was wondering if he wanted out, he said everything was okay. No, everything was not okay. The messages decreased even more. No phone calls when there had been at least 2 a day. Now it was a couple of texts, most just consisting of this response to my text: "ok."

I don't know for certain what the problem is, but I think (and can only assume) that it was because I expressed my displeasure over a situation (and, given the situation, I am certain I am not the first to complain, nor will I be the last.) Denial is a very strong force; it is much easier to deny a situation than make the effort to do something about it, based on what one is hearing over and over and over again. Like water and electricity, we, as humans, often follow the path of least resistance. Not changing a situation, even if it makes us unhappy, might be preferable to a new situation that we enjoy, especially if the first does not require any change on one's part.

There is another issue I've run into in other relationships, and I am wondering if that is what happened here. As soon as I expressed my displeasure, I was no longer the perfect girlfriend that this person (and others before him) needed. I was just another woman who didn't understand.

I may never understand. It is very hard to understand something that isn't being communicated to you. But I do know that I'm not perfect. I also know that he was not perfect. That didn't stop me from caring about him. If you can't care about someone with imperfections, though, then there are issues. The relationship of perfections is a superficial one. I prefer one that is real, in spite of how much work that might involve. I just want to be in one where both partners are willing to do the work.