Fatigue

It was an interesting word they used in the news today to describe the workers who are dealing with the multiple water breaks in the area. The reporter said the workers were "fatigued." It caught my attention. Immediately, I thought of these people, men and women (I am guessing) who were frustrated and tired from dealing with what probably seems like an unending problem. I thought of them bringing that frustration home to their family, their loved ones; trying to keep their cool, but probably feeling that relentless edginess that comes with feeling stressed.

I felt as if a light bulb went off for me. I was trying to wrestle with what to do with this relationship. I was feeling frustrated (and vented in an email.) I am fairly certain that he is feeling frustrated with my venting, as well as everything else going on in his life. When your plate is full to begin with, and then more gets dumped on your plate, and you try to figure out a way to deal with all of it, it does seem endless, and you can feel very fatigued.

What I realize I have been doing is adding to that frustration because I am trying to get the relationship back to where it was before fatigue set in; when we were together in that warm cocoon at the outset. We have been through a lot in a short amount of time, though. I sort of knew this was moving fast, faster than I had expected, but decided I was ready for the ride. Now, I think, reality is setting in. Or it might just be fatigue. I don't know.

I think the best thing for me to do, though, is to take a step back and take care of myself. It doesn't mean I've given up, or that I'll back out all the way, but just not push as hard. I want to deal with my emotional fatigue and allow him to do the same.