5 Years Ago

I woke up very early this morning (around 5; well, the first time!) As I lay in bed, trying to get back to sleep, two things came to mind:

• Things are really changing in my life, in a positive way; and
• Five years ago my husband left me.

Five years ago! I can't believe it was that long ago. Actually, it was five years and four days (he left me on the first), but it was five years ago when I started this blog.

I remember the events of that week clearly. I remember the realization hitting that this was happening, then needing to go to work, but being practically useless as I stayed in my office and tried to keep my crying to a minimum. I remember how patient my supervisor was, and how he and a few others from work took me out for a beer, and how he told me about his first marriage and how it ended.

The first thing I was thinking about sort of ties into the second. Five years ago, so much was happening. Not only did he leave, but my son was going to school, I was planning on finishing my MFA, and I was scrambling for work, trying to make mortgage payments, needing to find a way to make it alone. This was just the beginning; a whole lot more messy stuff came after that.

What I really was thinking about this morning, though, was that I made it through all this! Yes, I ate some of my pain and put on another 20 pounds (which I am now in the process of losing.) And not only did I have trouble with finances, but my credit score plummeted (and is now starting to climb back up, due to my efforts. Yay!) And, yes, I probably consumed a bit more wine than I should have (something else that is turning around, too!)

But I survived. I could have gone crazy, slumped into a complete depression, where I could have stayed, unhappy, unlovable, unemployable. But I pulled through, maybe because of the years prior spent in therapy and program, which gave me tools to survive.

This may seem a strange thing to talk about on Independence Day. But when you think about it, revolutions in countries are somewhat like the little revolutions in our own lives. Revolutions don't start because everyone/anyone is happy, but because they are at a point where they've decided to do whatever is necessary to bring about change. Our forefathers worked to bring change in this country (and I am thankful for that.) And I worked (and continue to work) towards bringing change in my own life.