"You know, I'm hurting, too." This was what my ex wrote in a note to me, several days after he just decided to take all his stuff and move out. I had expressed my feeling to him (in a note? I don't remember), but this was his response. And now, several months later, I look at this and realize this was the crux of the problem. Because in our marriage, it didn't matter what I felt. If I felt bad, he felt worse. And it was, as he would explain, usually my fault.
Tonight I expressed my feelings to the new person in my life. And a strange thing happened – he apologized. No smart remark, no "oh yeah, well how do you think I feel?" And the funny thing was, I didn't expect an apology. I didn't expect anything. I just wanted to say how I felt. I just didn't realize someone I could be in a relationship with would listen and understand and not try to put his needs before mine.
This isn't the first time this has happened and I don't think it will be the last. It's just weird for me – knowing now what it's like to be in a good, healthy, normal, loving relationship. Strange but wonderful.
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