“What I should have said was…nothing”

Comedian Mike Birbiglia (one of my favorites) has a routine where he talks about making an awkward comment about himself/his bed to a complete stranger who is kindly holding the door open for him. He adds "What I should have said was – nothing."

I think I should take that advice to heart. In fact, maybe I should make it my mantra. Keep your mouth shut, Pat, and stop saying stupid things. Because when I'm not thinking, I say some very idiotic stuff. Most of it is just a harmless slip of the tongue, just the kind of thing that I generally step back and say "Oops!" and everything is okay. But sometimes something can slip out from this way back part of my brain, the kind of thing that I may have heard long ago when I was much younger and I'm repeating without the added ability to edit that usually comes with maturity, the kind of thing that could quickly slice down the tender shoots of a budding relationship. And I have to ask myself "What have I done?"

And right now, the only answer I can give is "I don't know, but I probably shouldn't have said that." What I should have said…