Before I write this, I should make sure to note the key words stupid, idiot, and me. Why am I such a stupid idiot?
I had a panic attack last night. For some stupid reason, I thought that the guy I was seeing was no longer interested in me. I was going by past experiences, times when I wasn't able to talk openly about how I really felt, so I made an assumption (a stupid assumption - see why I want it to be a key word?) based on these past experiences, that he changed his mind, that he suddenly lost interest.
It was my own insecurities speaking to me. I have to say that I had a lot going on in my life, and when I explained my situation, he completely understood. I was under pressure, because, right now, I don't know if I will have a job in the next week or month or so. I can't say any more than that because I am not being told any more than that, and that, in itself, is causing my panic.
But he understands. And accepts that I could get a little panicked. And I appreciate that. He goes a bit off the deep end at times (well, he rants) and I accept and understand that. I think he is showing that he is willing to accept my occasional panic attacks, and the fact that I can be a stupid idiot. Just wish I could rewrite my history so that I could trust this wonderful man a bit more.
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