I Pick Myself Up and Get Back in the Race

It is ironic and strange that Robin Williams just killed himself, as it came a few short days after I talked someone close to me out of doing the same thing. Depression runs in the family; I am very familiar with it myself, and I know I've gone through days and weeks where the idea of ending it all kept visiting me, taunting me.

I haven't admitted this to too many people, but I have attempted suicide twice when I was younger. Actually, it may have been three times; once by accident, and if my friends hadn't been there, it could have been the one that actually succeeded. But I have spent the latter part of my life trying to learn more about depression, and find best ways to work through the "blue periods". And I am here, and I survived, I believe, for a reason, and that reason is to help others.

Which brings me back to what I was saying. People who are considering suicide commonly feel that this would be better for everyone. I had to explain to the person I mentioned earlier that no, it wouldn't. It might be better for you, because you would be gone. However, suicide is like the big FU to everyone you've ever known and loved, because they would be the ones dealing with the guilt, wondering what they could have done to prevent it. And then I asked him to seriously consider how the people he would leave behind would feel. Do you really think they would think this was best? Seriously?

No, there would be much more pain and hurt that they would carry around for years. I mentioned people who were close to him, and also asked how he would feel if he came home some time and found me dead. Would he think he was better off? I could tell from the look in his eyes that the reality of this one hit hard.

Life is tough, I tell him, and he would say "Yes, that's why I want to end it all. I can't put up with this anymore." And I listen and say I understand. And then explain that he has to go through this to get to the next level of life. Life is like one of his games, I explain. You make it through one level, and the next may be tougher, but when you've gone through it, you have the skills to get to the next level, and so on.

And one more thing. I tell him he is here for a reason. I don't know what that reason is, but someday, he will know, and he will be glad he stuck around to find out.