Starting With Oneself

Yesterday was one of the nicest Christmas days that I have had in a long time. I think I enjoyed every minute of it - from the first moment of midnight mass until the second my head hit the pillow and, moments later, I fell soundly asleep.

I even enjoyed the moments of quiet solitude. I think this was such an important lesson for me; a lesson  learned from past Christmas days, some that I endured, reminding myself it was just another day. We have such high expectations for this day - it is supposed to be spent surrounded by friends and family, or at least that is what the media tells us. Not just one or two members of the family, but large groups of people, sharing gifts and enjoying a meal together around a long dining room table.

I've had those Christmases in the past. Yes, they are nice - it's wonderful to share time with people you haven't seen for ages, to laugh and joke (and, yes, sometimes fight) with this extended group of relatives. But I have learned to enjoy spending the day with just myself, and then, later, extending that enjoyment to the few others with whom I am very close - my son and my guy.

Learning to be alone and enjoy one's own company is so important. I have spent many unhappy years pursuing that American vision of happiness, of wanting love and wanting to be loved. It took some tough years and hard times to make me begin to appreciate what I had, and to know that I was loved. I had to start by loving myself, and knowing there was One who loved me, no matter what.

Only then could I enjoy my own company, and appreciate and love the company of others.