Fear

I hate looking at my checking account statement. I try to get myself to check online on a regular basis, but so many times I have found myself overdrawn (or nearly so) that I am afraid to look.

I've tried keeping an electronic checkbook (the only way I can keep track of everything no matter where I am). But I get bogged down by those little debits ($6 for lunch, $21 for groceries). Ironic, though, because those are the same little debits that eat away at my account, making me wonder time and again where the money went.

True, there are the big items, too. In the past year, I've picked up a student loan payment, car loan payment and a monthly chiropractic bill. Additionally, I am teaching fewer courses online, so there's less coming in. And with two people here, the food and electric bills are higher.

I know I'm a big part of the problem, because I feel I need to take care of everything, and don't want anyone else to worry, so I just go on paying for everything. Fortunately my son has been pitching in some money, but I haven't had him pitch in enough to really make a dent. I'm too nice - I don't want to make waves, cause problems, etc.

Today I may just have to do that. I'm not looking forward to it (particularly seeing that he hates to part with his money as much as his father does). But, as they say, desperate times call for desperate measures. Yes, I know, I'm not desperate. But better do it now, before it gets too late.