First off, let me just state that in spite of the general upbeat feeling of my posts, I don't like being where I am right now. Not all the time, at least. I strain against this whole notion of being where I am supposed to be.
I can say, though, that I almost feel as if there is an unseen force holding me in place, telling me to look, and look hard. To completely experience what I am experiencing and to fully understand it. When I am not fighting this sensation, I do understand, really. Or at least I think I do. I am a writer. Writers need to go through experiences to be able to document them through their writing, whether it's through a novel, a poem or a script. I can't imagine fully how my characters feel if I don't feel that way myself. Yes, imagination should be the driving force behind most creative writing, but nothing brings truth to a piece like good, old-fashioned experience.
So, okay, I get it. I am supposed to hit this hard financial rock bottom place so I can create characters who have experienced the same, have known what it is like to live without. I think or wonder if maybe that's another part of this whole epiphany thing (and let me must say that these life-changing awakenings would be a lot better to understand if they came with a manual, instead of leaving those of us who go through them to feel like they are foundering in the dark.) I am here, living this life, so I can understand others who are doing the same – others who I may write about, or possibly others who I may work with at some point in the future. This is my life path, I guess.
I just wish, sometimes, that my life path was understanding how millionaires live.
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