It's the holiday season again, and, as always, money is tight. This season it's tighter than usual, because things haven't turned quite around yet (plus, having the car die – well, that didn't exactly help.) Normally seeing those commercials for the season with all the happy families, presents, etc. would make me depressed. But this season I've just decided to ignore those, and focus on finding some way to pay my bills. If I can keep the house, and pay the electric and put food on the table – well, then I'm happy. Spending time with those two people who mean the most to me – my son and my "significant other" – is my Christmas present to myself.
That doesn't mean I don't stop worry about the money, though, try as I may. I've decided I will need to sell not only the old wedding ring, but the old engagement ring in order to pay the bills and have enough to get me into January. I don't know why selling the engagement ring is so hard for me. If it were a car, I'd sell it in a minute. Hell, if I could sell the house I'd do it and be done with all this crap. But I've been holding on to that stupid ring for, I don't know, sentimental reasons, I guess. I really don't know why. I think I keep remembering how much he sacrificed to pay for that ring; how he ate soup and macaroni and cut all his expenses just so he could buy it.
But, as hard as it is, I have to remember that part of my life is dead and gone. If he were really still concerned about me or the ring, he'd contact me (and I haven't heard from him in over a month now.
So I wonder - maybe this is a test. Selling the ring will put the past to rest and help me move on. One good sign – I've stopped crying when I think about having to sell it. That's probably a good thing. I'll just take it in tomorrow and see how it goes.
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