Change is Good

Back when I was at the end of my first marriage (or maybe it was just after, I'm not certain) I remember talking to a friend about my marriage. I'm not certain exactly how I described it, but it must have come across as "It's not all that bad. At least he's not physically abusive." I remember this because she had said she was working with women, and how sad it was that the best they could say about the person they were married to and supposedly loved was "At least he doesn't beat me."

For the record, I've never been physically abused in a relationship. My sister, who knows me well, knew that I would never stand for that. However, I have put up with a lot of stuff, thinking that this is what you did in a relationship/marriage. It's the convincing yourself (and sometimes others) "you know, he's really not that bad" after he's stormed across the street to find you after he's come home from work), to discover you actually talking to friends and enjoying yourself and informs you that you should be home making dinner. Or that you reiterate for the hundredth time that, yes, you know what a smart guy he is, because you have to remind him of that every day since his self esteem issues won't allow him to see it for himself.

So, how strange is this for me to be in an actual, honest to goodness good, healthy relationship! To be with someone who respects me for who I am and has confidence in himself as well; who can discuss politics and Voltaire and any number of topics without feeling the need to be pompous or belittle me, or to feel threatened if I know something he doesn't. And to discuss – as in back and forth, as in both contributing and enjoying this art of conversation, not having one or the other dominate. This is so freeing and wonderful for me, a new experience that I am having trouble finding words to describe. This is as much a turn on to me as all the physicality of the relationship!