I thought that forgiveness was all about saying "That's okay" and allowing someone back into your life. And so, I have been certain that it would take a very long time for me to forgive Tom.
But I am becoming away that doing this, saying things are okay and trying to go back to the way things used to be is not forgiveness. Forgiveness is healthy. This is not healthy. It is putting myself back into the position of doormat.
What forgiveness is really about (or at least I think this is right – I'm not exactly an expert!) is saying "Yes, I understand now" and going on with my life and allowing the other person to go on with theirs. I understand what a difficult life he has had, but I also understand it is his journey and he is the one in charge of deciding what he will do with his life, not me. Letting go of that is the most difficult thing to do, and yet, I am seeing, it is the most freeing thing for me. The more I let go, the better I feel. I guess that means I am letting go of the anger, too, which means I am allowing in understanding. That is forgiveness.
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