I knew, somewhere inside me I just knew that this guy (the one I described yesterday as an asshole) was, indeed an asshole. I discovered today that, although he made me feel special, made me feel as if he was interested in me alone, that he was, actually, seriously involved with someone else. How do you do this? I can't even fathom how one does this. And I want to comment, to say something back to him, but I won't touch that part inside me that is filled with pain and rage. And I won't give him the perverse pleasure of knowing that he has hurt me in this way.
Why am I so vested in him, I wonder? I have several wonderful mean, mostly younger than me, and attractive, who have expressed an interest in me (God only knows why.) I am not just talking just about men I have talked to online,because, let's face it, until you meet you don't know what you are getting! No, there have been men who I have met in person, too, who have pulled me aside at singles events, expressed an interest in being with me.
And, so, this is where I will focus my interest.Some years back I threw all my attention to one man who had no interest in me, while other, nicer men clambered over each other to gain my attention. I was an idiot; I ignored them and wasted my time on someone who would only cause me heartache.
I hope age has made me smarter. I am turning away from the pain, and turning towards the warmth of these individuals. Who knows? Perhaps I will finally discover happiness!
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