To Catch a Liar

Maybe I'm getting old, and cynical, but there's some small satisfaction that I get now in catching a lying liar who lies. That's what I did today - caught someone in their web of lies, and made them retreat. It's really too bad - he seemed like he could have been a good guy (if, of course, that is what he was.)

But I questioned him about who "he" was, and "he" backed off. And though it does hurt a bit, it hurts a lot less than if I had allowed my heart to be ensnared by another liar. That's a small victory, but it's enough to make me happy...for now.

Fate, or Something Like That

So at the beginning of the week, I had three men interested in me (well, three online; here in the real world, there was definitely one - the same one who I can't shake off for the life of me - and possibly one or two more.) And then, just like that, the three (online) were gone. Now one of them was understandable - I don't think he read my profile thoroughly enough and missed the part that said I was moving further west next spring. When I mentioned that, "poof" just like that, he was gone.

The second may have left on the same terms; however, I think there may have been a possibility that he was married and lonely (not looking for one of those kinky, online sex relationships, but just conversation with another woman and the opportunity to feel as if someone else was interested in him.) In any case, he disappeared, too.

The third, however, is an enigma. After several weeks of our contacting each other via message, then a phone call, and a number of text messages, we seemed destined to finally meet. I was the first to put the brakes on this idea (for at least a short while longer) because I realized that I was getting caught up in all of this at the same time I was starting a new job and didn't want one to adversely affect the other. But when I raised this concern, his remark was that he would be saddened if we ended up not getting together. So, when I clarified the situation and my concerns, it seemed all was okay. I tried to determine a time when we could meet (because, I felt, that was the logical next step); he, in turn, threw out some excuses. I offered other options; and he, like the others, disappeared.

Now, maybe the moral is not to push, and I know I can be a bit assertive (aggressive?) in this respect. But red flags start popping up in my mind when someone doesn't want to meet in person. Perhaps they are just shy, but experience has taught me that someone who is truly interested overcomes that shyness (my son, who is also dating and is also shy, is a great case in point.) One can only think, then, that the person has something to hide.

I believe when you are in a situation that may not be all that it appears to be, you should let it alone. Oh, yes, you can give the person the benefit of the doubt. But if your gut is telling you something might be wrong, it probably is. We can make choices, but fate (or something like it) is what tells us we're better off letting go and moving on.

Being Me

In past years, probably one of the hardest things for me when I trying to meet people online, was being myself. I would put up a profile that, I thought, was a fairly accurate portrayal of who I was. Then I wouldn't get the response that I wanted, so I would tweak it and change it to better suit what men seemed to be looking for. Of course, you want to put yourself in your best light. But I was only shining that light on specific parts of me, and keeping the real parts of me in the dark.

I find I am now putting more of who I really am out there, and, surprisingly, getting positive reactions! It may be my newly found confidence that ties into my new ability to let go and accept what happens. Well, yes, I would like to control things from time to time, and (as I noted yesterday), waiting can drive you crazy! But letting go and allowing things to happen on their own time seems to be offering better results.

It just takes patience.

Dating Pains

I've given in and gone back to dating. Interestingly enough, I initially did this to prove that I was at an age where no man would be interested in me.

But here I am, with two men who I am in contact with (yes, online.) One wants to see me; the other is taking his sweet time, but our conversations continue. Both give me enough details to allow me to gauge that they are, indeed, local (meaning not scammers from overseas.) Their responses are direct to my questions (fyi - a telltale sign that you have a scammer - their responses are vague, and generally don't connect with what you have written to them.)

Additionally, I can tell they are not perverts (I've been writing to each for almost a week, and neither has mentioned sex.) They are not interested in one night stands; otherwise, they would have tried to get my phone number by now (neither has.)

This is a waiting game for me, and maybe this is important. Patience may be a virtue, but it is not one of my best traits. Maybe this is necessary for me - I'll learn to wait and see.