I find myself awake in the middle of the night nearly every night now. I wake up, generally to make that early morning trip to the bathroom, then, before I can fall asleep, some thought, a remnant of the worry fabric that is my life, floats into my brain and blankets my thoughts.
I've tried to forget about it, to push it off to the morning, but I'm often unsuccessful. So, instead, I've started to turn it over, look at it from another angle, problem solve.
I've been fairly successful at this lately. Last night, for example, I had worries about the house and my reaction to a situation. I can't do anything about the house - this is sort of out of my hands - but I can look at my reaction. Why did I turn into a "puddle of tears" (the term the new man in my life uses for when I break down and cry)?
After thinking and reviewing what happened, and how I reacted, I suddenly had this moment of clarity. I realized in that moment that this all tied into my fear of failure; if I failed at something, I wouldn't be a success. If I wasn't a success, people wouldn't like me (this is not fact; just how my mind interpreted the situation).
Not having people like me would have bothered me in the past; now I know that if they don't like me for who I am, then they're not worth my concern. And after making that connection, it wasn't long before I found the peace of mind I had searched for, and with it, some much needed rest.
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