And Away We Go

I hate this, although I know how selfish that is. He is on a trip, and I am actually happy that he is with his family. And I am here, and keeping myself busy looking into potential places to live in a few months (as I have had it with what I call the "rave parties" upstairs.)

And I am proud of the fact that I can let go and let him live his life. But I am not letting go without some sort of sadness. It passes over me every once in awhile. I realize he is gone and I won't see him for two weeks, and I will only hear from him in limited spurts of communication when he has a free moment.

I should be used to this, as our schedules do not always allow for us to communicate throughout the day. We don't get to spend any more time than the day and a half that we get on weekends. And I have grown used to that, at least.

But still missing him. Perhaps that is not such a bad thing, right?

Checking the Past, Looking to the Future

I had to look into my posts from last year. I knew who I was with; I just didn't know where the relationship was at this point. I know now that this would become a very toxic relationship, one that would keep me from dating for the rest of the summer and most of the fall.

Last year at this time, things were just starting up. I thought things were wonderful. I thought this was it...again (didn't I just feel that way a few months prior?) It was nice at the time, before it became the scariest experience I ever went through. I am sure, in hindsight, he would have felt bad dragging me through that horrible experience. But I know that I learned from it and moved on.

I am happy now with someone who as is sweet and funny and nice and corny as I am- someone I need right now. I don't know what tomorrow will bring. I am just enjoying the present.

This: I Hope it Never Ends

I am going to admit some of the stuff that happens in my bedroom when my guy is over, and it is nothing that would embarrass my mom (or my best friend, who always covers her ears and tells me "I don't want to know" when I say that he stays over on weekends.) Yesterday, when we woke up, he started doing jokes about the way Tyrannosaurus Rex was built (big head, big back legs, but teeny weeny front arms.) He went through this impression that had me in hysterics. I think it was actually one of the better times (no, not the best times; this is staying PG rated) that I had in bed with him.

That is what is important. Laughing and enjoying each other's company. One of the things we really enjoy doing is cooking, and the fact that we cook together in my tiny kitchen and don't kill each other is a miracle. We enjoy the little things. For example,we went for a long walk at a local park yesterday and discussed various parts of the park that we came across and wondered about the history of each point. Boring for many, I would imagine, but interesting for us.

I have been in different relationships, and many of them were imbued with a sense of neediness, of a list of requirement hoops that I needed to jump through. This has none of that. No neediness, no hoops. Just an enjoyment of each other's company.

I still don't know where this is going. But I hope it never ends.