My Denial

I have a bad habit of taking on more than I can handle, and as well as taking in hard luck cases. One case in point is my dog. I adopted him several weeks ago, in spite of warnings from my friends and even the rescue place who said he was "snappy." I wasn't in full denial about this, but I don't think I went into this fully aware of the amount of work it will require to get him to be more comfortable around others and less protective of me. I have seen him settle a bit, but progress is slow. However, I won't give up.

As for relationships, my friends also say I bring home the stray "puppies" and refuse to look at all the issues that can crop up and, eventually, wear me down until it almost too late. It took me almost 2 years to extricate myself from the last hard luck case.

This time, I don't think it will take as long, as he is obviously as stubborn as I am, and after a very difficult week, we finally hit a point of realization that this wasn't working. There was a part of me that knew this earlier, but didn't want to do anything, partly out of my stubborn denial, and partly out of the fear that my leaving might cause his health issues, which had suddenly gotten bad, to get worse. Perhaps I mistook myself for God in thinking this way, as if I could actually control such things.

What I do know is this: although it was a bit of an argument that set things in motion, I'm not mad, or sad, or dying inside, the way I have been in some relationships. Actually, I did feel worse last week when things were just starting to go bad and he was more cognizant of the potential issues. Back then he even said to me he was behaving poorly and I should leave, but the pain I felt came from not listening.

Now I'm listening, and no longer in denial - I hope.