Oops! I (almost) Did it Again!

After getting my boo hoos out of my system (well, not even real ones; just felt down in the dumps for a while), I realized that, once again, I almost did what I do so many times. I almost allowed someone else to define me, and try to confine me because they weren’t comfortable with who I am.
Someone pushed my buttons, I allowed it, and I reacted. I can’t blame them if I allowed it. But now I can sit back, sum up the situation, and, as the kids say online (facepalm). Aggghh.
But, I am back up again, back to realizing that I will go on, and I don’t need someone else to define me (especially when I am so indefinable!) Someone will accept me for who I am, and until that time, I am glad to go it “alone” (i.e., with friends and family along with me for the journey). I don’t need to share my queen-sized bed with anyone – I can sprawl at my leisure.And I will continue this way with renewed hope, because I do believe things happen in their own time

Ahh...walking

I didn’t realize how nice it would feel to get back to walking again, but it is! It’s funny how and why things happen. Because I am between cars right now, I am walking 2-3 miles a day. It has done wonders to my weight loss program and even more to my sense of serenity.
Because, as I’ve discovered, when you can drive everywhere, you don’t walk. And when you don’t walk, you stay inside, in the air conditioning, safe and comfortable. And your weight slowly slides back up the scales. And, even more importantly, you become out of touch with what is going on outside.
When you walk, well, yes, it is hot. You do come back in a full sweat, but you feel ALIVE! You can experience so much more – take in the scent of the newly mown fields, watch a Monarch butterfly as it crosses your path, feel the sun on your face. No wonder my grandfather used to walk 3-4 miles a day, almost up until the day he died.
And I, personally, have been experiencing something even better – a sense of serenity. While I walk, I let go of all the problems in my life, all the bits and pieces that I try ever so hard to control, to make just right. The more I walk, the more I feel all of this falling away. I feel connected to the earth as I take each stride, the sun as it beams on me, the sights, the smells. In other words, I feel connected to life.
Is it possible to get addicted? I don’t know. But, I don’t mind.

Life changes…slowly

If there's anything I should have learned from the events of last week it's that I shouldn't trust the rapid changes in life as much as the slowly evolving ones. Oh, sure, there are times when change happens quickly, when you are completely uprooted from your previous existence and placed in a totally brand new situation, and he need to cope immediately to survive.

But I am not talking about those changes. I am talking about the ones that should come up slowly. I have fallen into relationships too quickly, too often, and now I know that this is not right.

I am beginning to realize now how real love is supposed to evolve. It should start with the look, maybe the smile, the pleasant conversation. Then days, weeks, months later something starts to change, almost imperceptibly. Like a seedling planted; one can't expect for it to be planted one day and be fully grown two days later. It needs the right conditions, and it needs to be nourished, slowly. If it is meant to grow, it will.

That is what I need to remind myself, over and over. If it is meant to happen, really, truly meant to happen, it will – in due time.