This is it. My new starting point. This is where I really, really feel as if I am starting over. My past feels as if it is falling away – old marriages, and past boyfriends. The house, the car, last job - all gone. Onwards to a new life.
It's not just that I'm in a new job, in a new city. I am also brought down to basics, financially speaking. I have enough money to squeak through until my first pay day (soon, but it feels like its not soon enough). I have some furniture (the beds, dressers and a few odds and ends including lawn chairs that I use for my living/dining room furniture). I have some dishes, pots and pans, linens – just enough to get by for now.
It's really not so bad. I have a place to live without worry of losing to the bank. They can take the house; I feel I no longer have any say over that, and I am at a point where I no longer care. That's probably why I feel – well, not exactly at peace, but no longer at the point of constantly obsessing about the money. I can't do anything right now, so why stay up nights worrying?
My new life may not be perfect, but I know this is the chance for do overs. I had done a really bad job keeping track of money before – I can allow myself a do over. I have now started tracking everything. I have also started talks with those advisors/counselors on how to create a budget and stick to it.
I now know (or at least, am coming to believe) that the reason my life has been so difficult lately is because I am meant to learn something. I am here for a reason. I am here to take a good, hard look at my life, what I have done, put my past behind me, and start over.
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