I am feeling fortunate to be friends with someone I was dating (you remember that guy who made me so upset when he left? Well, now we're friends. Life is funny.) He makes me feel sane when I talk to him, even when it's just about his business. And there is no attraction anymore. Just friendship, which is cool.
And then, well, there is the guy who I am sort of with now. He pushed for me to be with him, and looking at the profile, I saw some things that normally would block us from my even responding: distance (he lives 30 minutes away); widower (oh, this is such a big one), and then found out he is more conservative than me (not originally noted in his profile.)
And so, I really tried to beg off when we first started communicating. It came at a really bad time for me. My brother had died recently, and I was not feeling any incentive at all to get out (or even, to get off the couch.)
But he was relentless (his own words), and I thought about it, and realized this guy just really, really needs a person with a kind heart to just listen to him. So we met. And clicked. AND CLICKED. I mean, I have not felt this way since I was about 18. Wow.
And we get together when we can (he often works 6 day weeks, second shift, so not easy to arrange get together times.). And also, his dead wife is still there, as I knew she would be. She pops up at the strangest times, and he knows how tough this is for me, and has been understanding. But for one thing, those are moments. And for another, I don't know where this is going, or how long it will go on. And I am actually okay with that, because I am just enjoying what is here, now, for the time being.
So, you know, I am always saying that we are meant to learn from everything that happens to us. And I think the big lesson for me here is to learn to be patient and accepting. Patient with how long it could take for this to work out (it could be months; or longer. Or not at all. I don't know.) And accepting that it is what it is, as they say, and it might go forward and work and be great, and, then again, it might not. But that's still okay. It's all about the experiencing, and I am learning to appreciate every moment of this experience, no matter what.
