I have to write, because I don't know if I talk to my friend, how these words might come out, and how I might be affected by her response.I know I need to let go of all that and just let things happen, but it is not my comfortable place, so to speak. In other words, I really need to work to do that, and I am working, but it doesn't always happen.
So, here's the scoop: I have been talking to someone for the past two weeks who is closest to what I have been looking for in a relationship - ever. And I know if he is not feeling the same way, I need to find a way to let go (which I have done, and can do, but not without pain.) Well, maybe what I need to do is not just let go, but realize there will be pain if that happens, and accept that this is okay.
Why is this person so close to what I want? Well, beyond being open minded (meaning not so conservative) and caring, and kind, and not merely focused on sex, he has been patient in his approach. He has been carefully working with me to plant a seed of this possible relationship and work with me to nurture it and help it grow.
He had gone beyond the general "Hi, I am (so and so) I do this - who are you?" to asking specific questions that I know were helping him to decide if he wanted to pursue this any further (am I staying in the area? do I have a good relationship with my family? what is my idea of romance?) which I honestly answered and he approved.
And then, we have gotten to a state where we haven't met yet, and are starting to feel concern about each other (his concerns about my driving in bad weather, and the same from me for him, for example.) So, I know there is something that could be there, and I am working to make sure that I do not push myself too hard and try to take the lead (as I am wont to do, and, at least, am aware of it.) I will follow his lead, and see what he does, and accept what happens, happens.
But, I will still feel proud of myself for taking chances. Because I don't know how this will turn out, but if it does work out, and I finally get fully turned around in how I feel about love - well, then it will all be worth it.
