The Thrill is Gone, Baby

As usual, I did not have the patience to wait for the other (metaphorical) shoe to drop (concerning that last relationship I was talking about in my previous post). No, instead, I tugged it off and threw it in the corner. That's me - Ms. IMpatience. Ms. Don't Worry - I've Got This.

But I don't feel bad about what I've done, and I wonder if that's good or bad? Maybe it's because I know I have someone else interested? Or maybe, hopefully, because I knew it wasn't good for me and I was being smart and getting out before it really became a bad situation.

I don't know, but I hope it's that last possibility.Because that's good. Good for me.

Rejection or Fear Of It

I think I need to write this out so I feel better. I realized lately that it's the rejection that we fear the most at the end of a relationship of any length. This makes sense. Feeling rejected, feeling as if you were somehow not good enough, will keep you plugging away at a relationship that is long past the expiration date. I know (well, I'm fairly certain) this is why my last marriage and my last long term relationship (the one that actually ended) ended with them leaving, even though I had been having and expressing doubts about whether or not we should stay together for some time. One can blame the ending on me, but it actually comes down to getting out before you are rejected.

This is also why the relationship that I have been trying to end - the one that will not go away - continues on. Who wants to feel rejected? I have been too nice, and trying to let him down as nicely as possible, but so far, to no avail.

I understand, though. I can see another possible end in sight, and I don't look forward to the final chapter. And it's particularly ironic, because I have already started to see the cracks and wondered if this was worth the energy I have been putting into it. But I will, if necessary, graciously accept the defeat, allow the other the opportunity to feel better than; allow them to avoid feeling rejected.