This is a line from the show, Fools, that I just directed. Ten weeks of rehearsals, two weeks of auditions and preparations prior to that, and several months prior to that of just acquainting myself with the show, and I just got the significance of the point that Neil Simon was making. Talk about not seeing the forest for the trees! Simon was, I am guessing, referring to all the people who live their lives in fear of the unknown, afraid to experience what might be, because it is different, unexpected; it requires letting go.
I see this expression as a summation of my life recently. I have been living in fear, afraid of what is going to happen to me, to my house, to all my belongings. My son refers to this as my paranoia. I am certain that no matter what happens, it will be bad.
Yes, I've had some things I've considered "bad" happen to me lately – my husband leaving me, the problems with the mortgage and bills, limited luck finding work in this economy. But let me stop for a moment and put things into perspective. The "problems" I mentioned have become the impetus for change in my life. I have just this year broadened my horizons in terms of what I feel I am capable of doing. I am looking for different types of work, and becoming more confident in my abilities. I am looking for housing in places I wouldn't consider earlier. Perhaps I will, through this, find a place that I really like, that I really feel is my home.
And I feel I am thinking more and reacting less. I am allowing myself to consider all options, instead of forcing conclusions. I am letting go.
I don't know what is going to happen today, this week, this month, this year. Maybe I don't want to know. I'm still on the journey – this is just a bump.
